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Sometimes I’m scared of writing about how I’m feeling on here, in fear that you might somehow be read my post, and let it get to your head that I can’t forget. So if you are reading this - I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, I SPENT THE LAST 8 (roughly) MONTHS WITH YOU, EVERYDAY, I KNOW YOU’RE SMILING AND LAUGHING BECAUSE YOU THINK ITS FUNNY THAT I STILL THINK ABOUT YOU, it makes you feel good, doesn’t it? But I really need to say type this shit out. Because I’m really fucking obsessed with my confused status of missing or hating you.
-first, let me say, it’s not the kind of thinking about you where I’m wondering if we’re better off like this, or if you’ll ever change or bullshit like that.
Some days, not even days, certain moments throughout the day, that are void of any real company or objective, I wonder what the fuck you’re doing. When I’m at work, I daydream about you walking into the store with a bouquet of flowers saying you’re sorry and me simply telling you to leave. And when I see the Mario Kart 8 commercial I get rly sad and wish I had a Wii and Kyle to play with. And sometimes I think about that Dota documentary and actually think about learning to play league, ( I even asked Tiffany to fucking teach me.) I compiled a playlist of all the songs that remind me of you, and everyday I remember a new one to add to it. I think about all the videos I HAD of you half naked with your tummy showing and you getting mad. I still can’t stay awake throughout a whole movie. I think about ALL the embarrassing things you’ve seen of me, like the stupid singing/twerking videos, god I cringe at the fact that someone else but myself has seen it. I’m always up before 10 a.m. now. I watch the Bummer video a lot, but sometimes to look at myself ( ^_^) and sometimes when I watch it, I remember the day we made it so vividly and it feels like just yesterday.
And then I remember all the bad stuff. But most of it came down to, trying extremely hard but still never being good enough for you to love just me, to be happy with just me.
and o well this is very incomplete but I’ve expressed myself to my heart’s content so whateva fuck ur feelings plur plur plur
1. Lay on the floor of your shower until you can breathe again. Water will always love to love your skin.
2. Start writing with the intention of filling up one page. Write until your pen stops working.
3. Reread a book that once made you cry. Learn something new on every page. Notice how different chapter make you sad. Notice how the book didn’t change and grow; you did.
4. Sleep with your windows open. You can hear both the rain and boys drunkenly singing Frank Sinatra on their deck. Both are equally good.
5. Don’t forget that honey will always taste sweet, but the best way to eat it is off your fingers, laughing.
6. Remember that, sometimes, getting out of bed is enough."
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